“I found him blue-lipped, floating on the water,”

“Cling-clang,”

“Tik-tok,”

“Hahaha!”

Jokes, name-calling, gossips, all you can ever hear in a small kitchen full with families busy preparing food. Hectic, each presenting their compiled stories that has been kept for a year or more. Well, each of the family member could only gather once a year for Hari Raya.

I still remember the moment when my friend’s daughter came to me and said, “Auntie, baby is in the pond,”. -Wait- The fish pond? Isn’t it the kids’ favourite spot for playing nearby? Impetuously, I ran towards it.

I couldn’t breathe, I was shivering, my knees couldn’t stand my soulless body that I almost fainted. I grabbed my son quickly! Never once I thought watching my dearly blue-lipped Amirul Hafidzy floating like things that I found floating on water for my whole life. Now it’s my son, my once happy son now floats like-no words.  I screamed letting out my fear, regret, crying out loud for this to happen.

“He vomits cloudy fluids, seaweeds and algae,”

Luckily, my brother’s father in-law and his daughter knew how to do a Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR) In Children and Uncle AR Rahman had involved in paramedic for years. I and my husband gave CPR on Amirul in the car and he vomited cloudy fluids, seaweeds and algae until we reached the hospital.

All I’ve been thinking was saving his life, thinking on why him? No wonder I had a thought on looking up for him for a while. But I was busy. I got a bad, weird feeling. But didn’t anyone seen this to happen? Where were my maid? Did anyone push him? And sometimes I couldn’t help flashing back our happy times, having fun together, so there are times I feel stressed and angry, then come the regrets and crying for help, God, please, please give me another chance to have him, I’d do anything good…

***

He’s no longer my 15 months baby

It was 6pm. The room was cold, basically that’s how I felt. Amirul was given a ventilator to assists him to breath. From the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) of Hospital Tanjung Karang, that night he was sent to Hospital Kuala Lumpur by the ambulance, I guess his case was serious.

It took 2 weeks for the doctor to told me the unfortunate news after we push him to. When he was drowning, he encountered Hypoxic Ischemic Encephalopathy which his brain did not getting enough oxygen that leads a permanent cerebral palsy. He is no longer a 1 year 3 month old baby. He will be forever lesser than a 1y/o baby. He faced delay in developments of most of his milestones.

By all means, he is safe.

Facing the fact

We undergo a lots of treatments, from physiotherapy to massages, to stem cell treatment (I decided to have kids for this) as he has development delay physically and verbally. From time to time, he is turning into ‘new him’. I see changes in his face. This is heart breaking. From the first glance people can tell that his face and body measurement is abnormal. Little did they know that my son was once a happy cute cuddly baby. Ever hear the word ‘heart break?’ This is more than words. I feel it every minutes of my life. Seeing him laugh, babbling, trying to reach toys or whatever he is TRYING to do.  A pain in the chest, sparks with sadness and sympathy but there’s nothing we can do than face the fact.

***

New life with saufvest

I resisted any water activity request from my children since then. All of my kids are active and aggressive-including Amirul, once. My heart couldn’t bear any accidents.  If so, I’ll request family members to guard my children. Enough all the tears, I’m now at the phase of staying strong.

Until I had a thought. My other children shouldn’t be a victim of my trauma. Life must go on, yet we need to seek happiness out of the dark side of water activity. Then we can fightback the traumatic experience. So I shouldn’t stop my children from going to any waterpark. If I’m at a waterpark, I shouldn’t prevent my active children from roaming around. If I want them to be free but safe, I should invest on a life vest. A top-quality life vest. In short, I need a guardian.

I decided to invest Saufvest to my children in return of their happiness, safety, independence, confidence and most importantly, to cure our trauma.

Story by Muhammad’s mother, October 2017